What would Happen
by HerKitten1
Summary: What would happen if Kate was about to marry Josh. Will Rick tell her not to? Will he stop it? Or will he let Kate marry Josh?
1. Chapter 1

What would happen…

Something was wrong with her. She was weird since a couple of days.

Rick noticed a solitaire ring on her ring finger he'd never seen before but he assumed it was a family heritage so he said nothing about it.

He was about to ask her why she wasn't herself when Kate cut him off

"We're done here, Castle, go home" She continued when he didn't move "See you tomorrow"

"I was thinking, maybe we can to the Old Haunt" he said with a smile, hoping he could talk to her about her behavior

"Sorry but Josh is waiting for me and I'm exhausted. Some other day?" She asked shyly. She knew Rick didn't like Josh before but after the shooting it became worse. That's why she avoided talking about him in front about Rick.

"Sure" Rick answered with a hint of disappointment and anger maybe in his voice "But before you go I'd like to ask you something" He said, unsure if it's the time and the place to talk about it.

"I'm all ear, Castle" She replied simply

"Is there something wrong lately?" He continued before she could answer "I mean, you're weird since a couple of day and I don't know what I've done or what I'm supposed to do…"

She seemed surprised but made no comment. "Castle, nothing's wrong. You didn't do anything. I'm fine" She looked at her father's watch "And late. See you tomorrow"

"See you tomorrow"

"Hey I'm home" Rick said, closing the front door of the loft

"Hello Richard" Her mother greeted him "How was your day?"

"Fine" He just answered before heading to his office

He opened his laptop but didn't write anything. He wasn't in the mood. The whole with Kate bothering him. A few minutes later, he heard someone knock on his door but said nothing. He didn't want to be disturb. But the person opened the door nevertheless and he could see his mother entering the room

"What is it Richard?" She stated

"Nothing Mother" He said not wanting to answer the question

"Oh, Richard. I know you. I know something is wrong. Just tell me." He said nothing so she continued "Is it Kate"

"Yes it is Kate" He sighed. He couldn't hold this anymore

"What did you do?" Her mother asked

"I didn't do anything. That's the problem. She's weird, distant but I really don't know why. I'm lost and when I asked her she said she was fine. But I know she's not. I can feel it" He put his head in his hands

"Darling, Kate is a grown woman. She can take care of herself and is she doesn't tell you, maybe there is a reason" She replied simply

She was right, he knew it but he couldn't think about her. "I know… I know but I'm worried. What if she run away like when she get shot. I couldn't face it again. I could not lose her again." He hold back the tears "And this guy, Josh. I really hate him. He doesn't deserve Kate. He doesn't make her happy but she deserves to be."

"I know, kiddo, but life isn't easy. You have to face the real world. Maybe Kate is not ready to be this woman yet. Maybe she needs more time. She will make some mistakes but at the end, she'll find her way." She said trying to appease his son.

"I hope you're right mother…" He finally answered

"I'm always right. You should know that by now" She smirked

Kate opened the door of her apartment. It was quiet but she heard some noises in the kitchen.

"It smells good" She said entering the room "What are you doing?"

"Surprise" Josh winked at her and took a step closer to kiss her "How was your day?" He asked then

"Fine" She replied "Just another day with some bad guys" she smiled "And yours?"

"Fine too. Another day saving life" He grinned. He took her in his embrace "So, did anyone noticed the engagement ring of yours?"He wanted to know.

She laughed "No. At least nobody told me about it"

"Kate, I know we agreed but why don't you want people to know? I mean they'll have to know some day or another"

She step back so she could see him "Because," What could she tell him? That she doesn't want people to know because she's not sure or because she remembers Rick telling her he loves her? No she can't tell him that "Because it's my private life and for now I don't want people to know. That's it"

"Okay. Just tell them when you're ready" He kissed her and returned to the meal. "Let's eat. I know you're starving" He said with a smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey thanks for the reviews. Don't worry, this is just the beginning. And for the records, this is a fiction. Kate is afraid of her feelings that's why she didn't tell Rick she remembered and she said yes to Josh. **

**Just wait and see!**

**I do not own Castle**

Chapter 2

The next morning, Kate was dealing with some paperwork. It was 10 AM and she didn't get her coffee because Castle didn't show up. She started wondering if it was the right thing to do after all. They were her closest friends and she was hiding something from them. It was clear that Lanie and the boys will upset but of all the reactions she feared Castle's the most. The man confessed his feelings when he was afraid to lose her and she was going to tell him she'll married another man. It sounded wrong in her head. She came back to reality when Esposito approached her.

"Yo Beckett, you're okay?" He asked

"Yeah" She replied "This paperwork is just boring" She tried to smile

"Whatever, Lanie called, she asked if you could come downstairs" Kate raised an eyebrow "I don't know why. Don't ask" He laughed.

"Okay" She answered simply

* * *

"Hey girl" Lanie greeted her friend "How are you doing?"

"Fine" she smiled "Is there any reason you'd want me here?"

"No particular reason. I just wanted to talk, you know girl talk. It's been a while" Lanie smirked

"Yeah you're right" Kate smiled lightly

"So how are things with Jo…" She stopped, something on Kate's finger catching her eyes "Girl what is this?" She asked looking her friends in the eyes "Don't tell me you…?" She didn't need to finish her sentence

Now, Kate had no choice but tell her. _Come on Kate, it's not a big deal you can tell her_. She could handle Lanie, at least she thought she could.

"Yes" She managed to say "Yes, I did" she repeated, not daring looking her best friend in the eyes.

"When…When did he propose?" Lanie wanted to know

"A week ago" She mumbled

"A week ago? You're kidding me, right?" She exploded "One week, and you thought it wasn't important enough to tell me, me, you're best friend"

"Lanie…" She tried but her friend cut her off

"When have you planned to tell me? The day of the wedding?" She paused "Oh my God, I don't believe it. My best friend got engaged and she didn't bother to tell me"

"Lanie…" She tried again

"Oh wait. Did you tell writer boy yet? I bet not but I need to ask" Lanie could tell Rick was in love with Kate even if he didn't admit it.

"No" She sighed "Lanie, I would have tell you before the wedding, you know that. It's just…" She stopped, unable to finish

"It's just what?"

"I don't know, okay? I didn't tell you because…" She paused again "Because I wanted time to set things straight in my head…"

"Why did you say yes if it's not clear in your head?" Lanie softened

"I said yes because it sounded like the right thing to do at the moment. But now I'm not coming back." She stated

"As long as you're happy, I'm okay with that" Lanie smiled and hugged her friend

"Please don't tell the boys yet. I need to do this" Lanie frowned so she added "I'll tell them soon I promise Lanie. See you later"

Kate was at the door when Lanie called her

"Kate?" Beckett turned to face her friend "Castle will not like the sound of it, you know that right?"

Kate didn't say anything and left the room.

When she returned to the bullpen, there was a cup of coffee on her desk bur still no trace of Rick Castle. She'll ask the boys later if he came by but for the time being she returned to the paperwork.

* * *

**In the next chapter, there will be the "talk" with the boys and with Castle (How will he react?). Chapter 3 will be posted on Wednesday, march 20****th****.**

**Reviews?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, guys. Thanks for the reviews.**

**Hope you like this chapter. I tried to make it a little bit longer.**

**P.S: I hate Josh too but I need him for that...**

**P.S 2: I'm not proud of the first section of the chapter(with the boys) but I hope you'll enjoy the rest ;)**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Once she told Lanie, Kate couldn't bare it anymore. She needed to inform the boys. That's why she encouraged them to go to the break room with her. She started making her a coffee while Espo and Ryan were standing in front of her, waiting for her to talk.

"I need to tell you something guys. Something about my private life" She stopped, hoping some reaction from the two of them

"Go on" Esposito said nicely

"Okay, so…" There she is, she was so confident in the bullpen and now she didn't know how to do this "Josh proposed and I said yes" She managed to say quickly

"Hey slow down. Can you repeat it a little bit slower?"

"Josh proposed and I said yes" She admit shyly

"What?" They said at unison

"You heard me"

"Are you insane" Espo articulated "Have you thought about Castle? The guy is crazy about you and don't tell me you don't feel something for him because we all know that it will be a lie!"

"Espo is right, Beckett. Castle is willing to wait for you and all you think is to marry another man" Ryan stated finally

"Don't you think I know all of that?" She yelled "But last time I checked, it was my life. And I do what I please with MY life" She swallow the lump in her throat "I thought you'd be happy for me"

"We are… At least I am" Ryan glanced at his partner" We don't think it is the right choice…"

"Are you happy right now, Beckett?" Esposito asked

"Yes "She lied

"Then we're happy for you"

She hugged the two of them "Back to work then."

"Beckett?" She looked at Esposito "Did you tell Castle yet?"

"No. After work I'll go to his place to tell him"

"Don't blame him if he becomes distant"

"I won't" She promised

* * *

Later this day, she went at Castle's. She was there at his door but she couldn't knock. Something was holding her. Maybe the fear that he doesn't want to see her again, that he walks away. _G-d, Kate you're a cop, an independent woman. After her mother's murder she didn't let anyone in but somehow Castle managed to override the walls. You're so pathetic girl, just knock on the freaking door!_

She finally knocked. After a few minutes Castle opened the door.

"Hey, Beckett!" He said with a small smile, maybe a fake smile "What brings you here?"

"Can I come in?" She asked "Are Martha and Alexis here?"

He let her in "No, Alexis's somewhere with Max and Mother has a rehearsal."

"Good."

"You didn't answer my question. What brings you here?" He repeated, concerned

She took a deep breath "I need to talk to you about something…"

"Is something bad?"

"Yes…No, I mean nobody died or something but…" She paused, not daring looking in his eyes "You remember when you found me weird. You wondered if there was something wrong, remember?"

"Yeah?" He wasn't sure where she was going

"In fact, something was going on" This time she looked in his eyes. All she could see was fear? Really? "Josh…" She wasn't able to finish. She knew Rick loved her but after all she didn't tell him she remembered and now she was going to marry another man.

"What did he do?" When she didn't answer, he repeated "What did he do, Kate?" She could clearly hear fear in his voice

She startled a little "He proposed"

At this very moment, his face became livid, pale but he wanted to know what she'd said to this "What…What did you say?"

"I said…" This was so hard to tell him that "I said yes" She finally managed to say

After that, she could see some disappointment but mostly anger in his eyes.

"If this is a kind of joke, it isn't funny, Beckett"

"It's not"

"Really?" He started yelling "Really, Beckett? How on Earth could you say yes?"

"Because…" She didn't even know what to answer to that. She didn't even know why she did say yes. "Because he's the one I want to marry, Castle. It's simple." She found some determination and strength in her to answer.

"He's the one you want to…" He was then overcome with a laugh. When he found his seriousness, he started speaking again "Beckett, this guy is an asshole. You deserve better than that"

"And by better, you mean you right?" She was now angry at him. How can he talk like that?

"I'm not talking about me. What are you talking about?" He wanting to know why she's say that

"Oh come on we both know you have feelings for me. Don't deny it!" she let go

"Wh…?" Suddenly all became clear in his mind "Wait…The shooting? You remember the shooting?" She didn't answer "Oh my god! You remembered the whole time and you thought it wasn't a big deal no to tell me!"

"I wasn't ready" She didn't want to justify herself but at least he had the right to know "I wasn't ready to let you love me. It was too much to handle."

"But you were ready to be with Josh however! Now you are ready to marry him? I need some explanations!" He was confused. The woman couldn't be with him but she was ready to be with Josh?

"You clearly can't understand"

"No, you're right I can't" He couldn't bear it anymore. He needed to stop this once and for all "Now if you're done, I have some writing to do." With that he headed to his office.

Kate watched him walk away and once he was gone, she left, her eyes filled with tears. It was all her fault, she knew it but now it was too late. She was going to marry Josh and Castle will continue to take care of his daughter and his mother.

* * *

When Rick heard Kate leave, he let out a sigh of frustration. He knew he loved her since the first months of their partnership, even if he wouldn't admit it. Then she was shot and he felt the need to tell her. He thought she was going to die, so he told her. But when she woke up and tell him she didn't remember, he didn't push it. He wanted to let her some space and time to heal. And now that she told him she remembered the whole time, he was full of rage.

_She lied to me for so long, and I was there like an idiot waiting for her. How stupid!_

He was angry at her for what she did and what she was gonna do but he was also angry at himself for his naivety.

He had to take a decision. Whether he kept on following her as if he wasn't hurt or he ended all of this and preserved his pride, ego and integrity.

In his mind, the choice was already made.

* * *

**So, what did you think? Let me know please**

**If there is any mistake, let me know too! xo**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi guys, here's chapter 4. I hope you'll like it.**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

When she came home that night, Josh wasn't there and she was grateful for that because she didn't want to be seen like that. Her argument with Castle really upset her and she was even more lost than she already was. She didn't know what to do. She felt like a bitch. _What are you doing, Kate? You agreed to marry a man, who obviously takes care of you, and there is the man who admitted his feelings months ago. _At this moment she realized something, something important. She was going to make the biggest mistake of her life and now she had to stop it, she couldn't let that happen.

She took her phone from her purse and dialed a number.

"Hey baby, are you okay?"

"Yeah, uh, where are you?" she said knowing perfectly that Josh was at the hospital and that his duty wasn't over.

"At the hospital, why?" He asked a little bit confused

"Just asking. When do you come home?" She wanted to talk to him as soon as possible.

"In an hour, an hour and a half. Is there a problem Kate?"

"No. Just don't drag on please" With that she hung up, letting a Josh completely relax, not aware of what would happen later.

* * *

An hour later, he finally came home. Kate couldn't wait anymore, she paced for so long she didn't know how she managed to stand.

Josh came closer to kiss her but she stepped back.

"Kate?" He asked.

"I need to talk to you Josh" She answered firmly.

"Can it wait until tomorrow, I'm starving and exhausted. Is dinner ready?"

"No Josh. Dinner isn't ready and what I have to say can't wait!" She started to yell.

"What's the matter Kate?" He didn't understand the situation.

"I can't, Josh"

"You can't what? You need to be more specific"

"You…Me…Us…I can't do that anymore. I can't marry you!"

"But…Why?" In his eyes she could see confusion, sadness and some anger at the same time.

"Because…" She always had to justify herself" I lied to myself!"She swallow the lump in her throat "I lied to myself and somehow I lied to you too. Everything is a damn lie, Josh!"

"What…Why did you say yes then? Don't you love me?"

"I…I thought it was the right thing to do…I wasn't myself. It's been 5 months that I'm not myself. This is not who I am…"

"You didn't answer, don't you love me?"

"I like you, a lot but not enough to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you" She admitted, a weight lifting her chest.

"Whoa, I didn't expect that one…" It was hard to believe "You're leaving me for him?"

"Him who?" She didn't understand where he was going.

"Your writer or whatever you call him" He was definitely angry

"What? No. He has nothing to do with my decision" _Liar _"I'm leaving you because we're not meant to be together. "

"Don't lie to me, Kate! I'm well aware that he feels something for you and I'm pretty sure you feel something for him too. I may be naïve but I'm not blind"

She didn't know what to say because it was true, it was obvious now. She had been so dumb.

When Josh found his composure, he spoke again "Well, I guess I just have to go." She remained silent so he packed his stuff. Before opening the front door of her apartment he looked at her one last time, she was still standing in the living room, she hadn't moved "You could be happy, you know"

She nodded "I know". The next minute, he was gone.

Kate tried to think positive, if he didn't fight for maybe he didn't love her that much.

Her life was falling into pieces and she had to fix it as soon as possible, at least she hoped to.

At ten that night she decided to go to bed but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep so she took the first book on the bookcase and fell on one of Castle's book. _Just a coincidence, Kate. _She read it anyway. His words had the power to appease her, she didn't know how to describe it. It was as if he knew how to calm her down just with simple words.

* * *

The next morning, Kate went to the morgue before heading to her desk, she needed to talk to her bestfriend.

"Hi, Lanie" She exclaimed entering the room

"Hi" Lanie said with a smile "What brings you here?"

"You will think I'm crazy"

"I already think you are" She laughed

"Funny" Kate smirked

"What is it?" She entered into the heart of the subject.

"I…I broke up with Josh last night"

"Oh, girl" Lanie hugged her friend "May I ask the reason?"

"This wasn't going to last. I realized that I didn't want to marry him and that I didn't love him. This wasn't fair Lanie." She figured out during the night that she would've never been with him in the first place.

"What changed your mind?"

"I don't know" She paused knowing perfectly the answer to that question "Yesterday I told Ryan and Espo about, uh, you know what, and I told Castle too…" She left her sentence unfinished.

"Oh" She understood why her friend changed her mind. The conversation must have been rough between the two of them, but she had to ask "Is he the reason why you broke up with Josh, Kate?"

"I don't know Lanie. I don't know. I thought I had everything but I was in the denial. My life is a beautiful mess and I don't know how to fix it." She didn't want to talk about it but her friend had the capacity to make her talk.

"Ok, look girl. You and I are out tonight. We will dance until dawn and we'll have fun. You need to take your mind off things. And we'll fix your problems tomorrow, deal?"

"Okay" Kate answered not convinced

When she arrived to her desk, Castle's chair was empty and there wasn't a cup of coffee on her desk, but she had sensed that he wouldn't come. She didn't have the right of being angry with him after all she did to him. She tried to call him but he didn't answer, she has sensed that too.

* * *

In the meantime, Rick was sitting on the couch with his mother.

"Why aren't you at the precinct, Richard" His mother was curious

He didn't want to talk to his mother about the big news so he lied "I have to write, I'm running late."

Martha could tell her son was lying, she could read him but she decided not to push it, he would tell her when he's ready "Okay. I have some meetings, see you later"

"See you" He said simply.

He was still upset about the visit of Beckett the last evening. He wasn't at the precinct because he didn't want to go there this morning. He wasn't in the mood. Plus he had made a decision, he will finish the last Nikki Heat as soon as possible and stop his research. He didn't want to have anything to do with Kate Beckett but for now he had to finish the book.

* * *

**Thoughts?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi. Here's another one. I know it's small but I didn't have much time to write and I wanted to post something. Hope you'll like it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

* * *

_"It's in the stars. It's been written in the scars of our hearts we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again"_

**Chapter 5**

After a week, Castle hadn't returned yet. He wanted to spend as little time as possible at the precinct and this week he didn't feel to face Beckett. There he was, in the break room. He had arrived early to prepare himself a coffee. Nobody was here already but he didn't mind, he enjoyed the calm of the precinct in the morning.

Beckett had called him many times during the week but he didn't answer, not ready to talk to her but now he had no other choice if he wanted to finish his book, the last of the series of Nikki Heat.

* * *

This morning Kate decided to went to see Lanie first, just like the previous week.

"Hi girl. How are you doing" Lanie greeted her friend

"I think I've still a hangover from last week" She laughed

The M.E smiled "Well, you needed to have fun and you did. You don't even have to thank me"

Kate chuckled "How generous of you"

"I know" Then Lanie found her seriousness again "Did you hear from writer boy?"

Kate sighed "No. I did what you told me. I called him at least a hundred times and he didn't pick up. And he doesn't come to the precinct either. I don't know what to do"

"I see" Lanie replied "Do you love him?"

Kate's heart missed a beat.

"Excuse me?" She was shocked by the question even if she knew Lanie could ask that.

"Come on, Kate. Do you love him?" She repeated. Lanie knew she had to ask because if she didn't Kate would never admit it.

_Do I love him? _Beckett repeated to herself. She'd never thought about it before. Of course she felt something for him, she couldn't deny it now, but was it love?

Rick might be childish sometimes but he was also selfless, honest and patient (especially towards her). All of this making him all the more amazing. Besides, he was so handsome, when he smiled she could feel her heart melting.

"I don't know…I think so but…" She decided to be honest.

"But what?"

"But…I don't know, Lanie. I don't know if it's love."She clearly had no idea

"Are you happy when he's around?" The M.E had to test a new approach

"Yeah…I mean everything is so much easier when he's there. He makes stupid jokes and the job doesn't seem that hard." She started to understand where her friend was going.

"Did you feel the same way when you were with Josh?"

Kate sighed "No" After all she'd never been happy with him "I know what you mean" She looked at her friend "Castle makes me smile, he makes my pain go away for a little while. It must be love, right?" She needed her friend to reassure her.

"I do believe so, honey" Lanie was smiling, she could tell Castle was good for her best friend. She was glad that Kate finally admitted her feelings.

Kate sighed again "Lanie, I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. He'll never forgive me and honestly I can't blame him. I was such a bitch to him…" She really felt bad about that. He had always been kind to her and that was the way she thanked him.

"Don't be stupid, Katherine Beckett" _Oh oh. _When her friends or family used her full name, it was never good "Of course he'll forgive you, this man is crazy about you. You just need to show him the real Kate, not the one he's seen last week, but you. Be yourself. I don't think he's done with you, you still have a chance to prove him you're worth it." Lanie was so a good friend, Kate was so greatful and she didn't know how to thank her for the help she brought.

"He should answer his phone for that"

"He won't make things easy, Kate. If he doesn't answer, take the initiative and go see him."

* * *

After her early talk with her best friend, Kate headed to her desk. She was halfway of the room when she saw.

No coffee on her desk. But-

But he was there.

Her heart started to beat faster and faster. She had to talk to him but suddenly she wasn't strong enough.

She finally reached her desk "Castle…"

* * *

**Sorry for the end but I couldn't help myself.**

**Reviews are loved. Thanks for reading. xo**

**P.S: I'm so excited about monday's episode, we're all gonna die!**


	6. Chapter 6

_"I've been lying, lying to you, baby I've been lying, lying to me too._

* * *

**Chapter 6**

_After her early talk with her best friend, Kate headed to her desk. She was halfway of the room when she saw._

_No coffee on her desk. But-_

_But he was there._

_Her heart started to beat faster and faster. She had to talk to him but suddenly she wasn't strong enough._

_She finally reached her desk "Castle…"_

* * *

Richard Castle looked at Kate quickly. He was so angry with her for what she did, now she would have to deal with the consequences.

"Good morning, detective"

_Ouch_. He was so formal and distant that it killed her.

"Castle, can we talk…" She looked around her "…in private?"

"I'm here to work, to finish my book so I can stop following you. So no, we can't talk in private, we have nothing else to discuss, just work" The woman broke his heart so he decided not to be gentle.

_Ouch_ again. She realized that she really had hurt him. She wanted to take back all the things she'd said and start over again but she couldn't, she had no super powers. She just had to fix things by herself. That was easier said than done though.

She wanted to escape, to be able to breathe again so she made her way to the break room to make some coffee.

She really was mad at herself. For a moment she thought that maybe the universe was punishing her, that she didn't deserve to fall in love, that she didn't deserve _him._

She returned to her desk but none of them spoke. Castle too busy typing on his phone and Beckett doing her paperwork.

At ten, she got a phone call for a dead body. She broke the silence which had settled a few hours ago.

"We got a case" She said with a determined voice. He didn't answer but he followed her.

In the car, nothing had changed, they still remained silent.

When they arrived at the crime scene, she was glad to see Lanie and the boys. At least they would talk to her.

When Lanie took sight of her, she smiled but her smile faded when she saw who was standing next to Kate. She made the Did-you-talk-to-him look but Beckett didn't returned the look, she would talk to her later.

"What do we have Lanie?" She was in her cop mode

Lanie could read her friend, she knew she'd come to her, just not right now. She gave them all the details she had and took the body to the morgue.

Then, Ryan and Esposito went to see the victim's employer while Beckett and Castle talked to the family.

Again, Castle didn't talk to her unless it concerned the case.

At six, they had a suspect but he wasn't very cooperative "What if we call it a night, we can start from here tomorrow morning" Beckett said, not wishing to bear the behavior of her partner any longer.

Her partner? He didn't look like her partner right now.

Castle mumbled a quick "bye" and left the precinct. In the elevator he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Be near her was now hurting, he'd have to finish his book quickly if he didn't want to suffer again. He reached the loft and hugged his mother and daughter.

"Why was that for" the oldest redhead asked

"I don't need a reason, I just love you both" He grinned

"And we love you as much" Now it was Alexis who was speaking.

* * *

On her side, Kate went for a walk in this big city that is New York. She needed time and space to think, even if there wasn't nothing much to think right now.

It was spring so the sun was still up and the air was warm. She enjoyed the birds singing in the park. At that hour, children were at home with their parents, playing some games or watching TV, couples were cuddling on the couch, wives cooking for their husband.

_Why not?_ She thought. _Why not me?_

She really wanted a family now, a real family with people who'd love her for what she was. Of course she had her father, she loved him but she needed more.

She needed Martha and Alexis.

She needed a writer so she could be his muse.

She needed _him_.

She needed Castle.

Suddenly, she was standing in front of a building but not any building. It was _his _building. She didn't know how she got there, her steps led her there. She couldn't help but think it was a sign. She had to do something.

Without a thought she entered the building and took the stairs.

There she was again, at his door hesitant to know for the second time.

* * *

Castle was talking with his mother since Alexis had to do her homework. He had stopped thinking about Kate for a moment now, he was enjoying the presence of his mother. It's funny how people who love you can make your life better.

There was a first knock on the door. Rick noticed it but it was barely audible so he didn't have the idea to open the door.

* * *

Kate was still behind his door. She had knocked a first time but nobody came to open the door so she knocked a second time, a little bit louder.

* * *

"I get this" The actress told her son

He took a sip of his drink

When Martha opened the door she was surprise to see Beckett.

"Kate?"

She wanted to cry but contain herself "Is Rick there?" She finally asked

"Yeah, come in" Martha was so sweet Kate thought "Richard, someone for you" The girls were making their way to the kitchen.

"Mother, how many times did I tell you not to order in and let me…" He left his sentence unfinished at the sight of the detective "Beckett? What are you doing here?" He was shocked and angry.

"And I have a meeting, glad to see you dear. See you later Richard" His mother stated, understanding that she had to leave the two alone. None of them answered, instead they were looking at each other.

Once his mother closed the door, he spoke again "What are you doing here?" He repeated, a bit annoyed

"I want to talk to you" She just answered

"Well, I don't want to. Problem solved" He wasn't going to be easy, but she knew it. She knew _him._

"You don't have to talk, you can just listen what I have to say" This time, she wasn't giving up, she wasn't running away.

"Why?" He yelled "So you can lie to me again or tell me how your life is perfect with your _fiancé?_" He insisted on the word 'fiancé'

"I'm not proud of what I've done" She was yelling too "And my life is not perfect and you know it"

"I don't. I don't know anything about you or your life anymore Beckett, I don't know what is true and what is not anymore!"

"Except after the shooting, I never lied to you Castle. I blame myself everyday for that!"

"Sure you are" He sounded sarcastic

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, now go home with your_ fiancé_ and let me alone" Once again he insisted on the word 'fiancé'

"I'm not leaving until I say what I have to say. And I don't have a fiancé"

His face changed suddenly, he was shocked.

"What?"

"I broke up with Josh" She softened a bit.

"Why? When?" His ton changes too, he couldn't believe it.

"One week ago. Why? Because I didn't love him." She continued when he remained silent "Look, I know I've been stupid over the past few weeks, the past few months. I'm…I'm just sorry for that"

"Oh, you're sorry? So everything is fine then!" He was back to yelling.

"Yeah I'm sorry, but no it's not fine. I'll do everything to be forgiven. I'll apologize to you every single day of it means you will forgive me. I was an idiot, I made a huge mistake but I'm trying to fix it."

"Why do you even care? Why do you even care to be forgiven?"

She took a step closer and looked in his baby blue eyes, she was ready.

"Because I love you!"

* * *

**Sorry for the delay but school is going crazy. I should be studying but you deserve a chapter so here I am. I hoped you like it. Tell me what you think, please.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the delay but from now on I'm on holyday so I'll have much time to write.**

* * *

_"I hope he buys you flowers, I hope he holds your hands, give all his hours when he has the chance, take you to every party cause I remember how much you love to dance, do all the things I should have done when I was your man."_

**Chapter 7**

_"Why do you even care? Why do you even care to be forgiven?"_

_She took a step closer and looked in his baby blue eyes, she was ready._

_"Because I love you!"_

* * *

Again, she took a step closer.

Rick didn't move, he was too shocked to speak. His eyes were still anchored into hers. _How can she do that?_

At that moment he wanted her so badly, she was so beautiful, so naked – not physically but mentally. She finally opened to him.

But.

There was always a but.

He couldn't let himself dive into this. His feelings were contradictious, he was still angry at her and he desired her most than anything at the same time. _Frustrating woman._

Kate was getting closer and closer. She stood up on tiptoe and tried to kiss him.

He didn't react. But when he came to his senses he stepped back.

"Castle…" She was now crying.

"What am I supposed to do Beckett?" He wasn't yelling, instead he sounded like a child. She was exposed and so was him "You say the magic words and everything is solved? You told me you were going to marry a doctor, I found myself broken and one week later here you are telling me you love me. How I am even supposed to react?" He paused and she stayed quiet "You know, I meant it when I said you deserved to be happy. It's true, I want you to be happy."

"You make me happy, Rick. I know I hurt you, I'll never be sorry enough for that, but you make me happy. I don't know how you do it but you do" When she came, she didn't know they'd have such an honest conversation, but she needed to tell him these things.

"Then why did you decide to marry _him?_" He still hated Josh, he couldn't say his name, it was too much.

Again she took a step closer to him.

"I don't know, I wasn't myself. I think I was afraid of what I wanted, afraid of losing my independence"

Surprisingly, Rick seemed to understand. He softened again – if it was even possible "The question is what did you want?"

She took a deep breath, looked at her feet before sinking into his eyes "I wanted to have a family, to be happy. I wanted you. I've always wanted you, I still want you now and-"Before she could finish her sentence, his lips were on hers.

The kiss was full of passion. He tasted her in all the ways he could.

Eventually they broke apart, both needing some air. He put open mouth kisses on her neck and she moaned.

Before going further he wanted something "Say it again"

She knew what he wanted to hear. He was cheesy but she didn't care so she gave it to him "I love you" And he kissed her again with even more passion.

He lifted her on the counter and automatically her legs wrapped around his waist.

It was gentle.

It was wild.

It was them.

He took her in his room and nothing else mattered. Just two people meant to be.

* * *

They were both tangled in Castle's sheets later that night, her head resting in the crook of his neck. He was drawing patterns along her spine. Both awake but enjoying the silence or they might be trying to hear the heartbeat of each other.

"D'you remember Montgomery's funeral?" She was now looking at him.

Rick knew it was hard for her to talk about it. She was burying her captain, whom she really respected and loved but on top of that she was shot. How could he not remember?

She was more open to him now, much more than the first years they were working together. Castle knew she had changed and he a way he had changed to. He wasn't the playboy he used to be. He wasn't signing chest and wasn't interested in one stand anymore.

It was remarkable how they've changed each other.

He just nodded to let her continue

"I made a speech that day" She was sitting on his bed, taking the sheets with her to cover herself. He was in the sitting position to look at her properly "I said 'The best you can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if-'"

"'-you're very lucky, you find someone to stand with you.'" He finished her sentence. He knew the speech all too well.

She smiled a little "Montgomery taught me that" She took a breathe, the memory of her dead captain revived some feelings she didn't want to have. She swallowed and continued "My point is that I found the place to make me stand. This is where I belong"

Castle cupped her cheek, she was so peaceful right now, not afraid of her feelings any longer "You also found someone to stand with you" He echoed the last sentence of the speech "I'm here, Kate"

"Thank you. I know I hurt you and I'm so sorry" For the second time that night, some tears escaped from her eyes but this time Castle was there, he wiped them with his thumb.

"It's okay" He pecked her lips "We should get some sleep, it's already 1am" She agreed and he tugged her to him. He wanted to keep her with him, always.

* * *

They were awakened by the sound of a phone. Beckett's phone to be exact.

She automatically grabbed her phone and answered "Beckett…Where...Okay I'm on my way" Another body was found. G-d she hated morning calls.

Castle wasn't awakened by the phone, he was still sound asleep. She decided to let him sleep, after all it was only 5am.

She climbed down the bed, looking at the man she loved. She kissed his cheeks and murmured "See you later" He growled but was still sleeping.

She dressed up and made her way towards the kitchen to make some coffee paying attention not to wake Martha and Alexis up.

She wrote a quick note to Castle and let it on the pillow next to him. Then she left the loft, direction her apartment to take a shower and change before going to the crime scene.

"Hey Lanie"

"Seems like you didn't sleep much" Beckett was exhausted after the previous night and the call at 5 in the morning didn't help to rest.

"Yeah I slept like 4 hours. I can thank the murderer for that"

"Or maybe you're tired for another reason" Lanie smirked. She noticed the change in her behavior. She knew something was up and she'd have to find out. Maybe writer boy was part of the change.

"What do you mean" Kate was too tired to notice the face of her friend.

"I don't know, you tell me, did you have fun last night?" She was trying to get details

"Nothing that is your business" She was always cranky when a murderer woke her up "What do we have?" Lanie didn't insist.

* * *

**Hope you liked it. Let me know what you think, your reviews always make me smile.**


	8. Chapter 8

_"And under us the river subsides for you. Whenever you cry look above the angels will fly for you cause you're the one"_

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Rick was awakened by the emptiness and the coldness of the side next to him. It was 8:30.

She must have left a long time ago he thought.

He couldn't help wondering why she left so early, his writer mind imagining a lot of different scenarios possible but only two caught his attention: maybe she regretted the last night or maybe a body have been dropped but why didn't she wake him up in that case?

He climbed off of the bed. He was about to make the bed when a piece of paper fell to the ground. He picked it up. Something was written on it.

_Hey Castle._

_I was called at work: another body._

_I didn't wake you up because you haven't had much sleep last night (thanks to some bed activities) and because I wasn't sure if you'd come today. _

_Anyway I made coffee._

_P.S: You were snoring when I left._

Rick laughed at the last sentence. The thing was that he only snored when he was happy and last night he was beyond happy.

Of course, he was still a little hurt for what Beckett did but he loved her and when you love someone the way he loved her you're ready to forgive and give a second chance. Plus she admitted her love for him, he couldn't let her go after that. After all that was their trademark: They could run away but they always came back to each other.

Finally he made his way to the kitchen. At the same moment, Martha was walking down the stairs with a smirk.

"When did Beckett left last night?"

"Good morning to you too mother" Rick wanted to sound annoyed but he couldn't.

"That don't answer my question"

"She left one hour after you did. Happy now?" Before telling everyone except Gates(definitely not Gates) he wanted to discuss about it with Kate.

"You know I can tell when you lie, Richard you're my son" She was now grinning "when I came home, I can swear there was light in your room and I heard two voices"

Caught in the act.

"Okay, okay. She spent the night here" She was about to answer something but he didn't let her "BUT not a word, to anyone, even Alexis. Understood?"

"I can keep my mouth shut" He laughed at that but she didn't say anything " I guess your fight didn't last all night then."

"How do you even know? Let me guess…Mother intuition?" She nodded, confirming his thought.

"I noticed something had changed since last week. I didn't ask you because it wasn't my business but mostly I waited for you to be ready to tell me."

"Well, yeah we had a rough time but things are getting better"

"I hope so. You know I see the way you look at her and the way she look at you. Eventually I wouldn't mind to have more grandchildren."

"We'll see about that" He laughed

"I'm expected at the studio, see you Darling" She was already at the door.

He had just the time to say "Have fun" before she closed the door.

He was now alone in the loft, Alexis had already left for school.

He decided to take his time, eat breakfast, take a shower and write a little bit and then he'd head to the precinct for lunch break.

Even if Kate spent the night with him, he wasn't truly confident, for once, he didn't know if she needed time and space or not. It was hard to tell after the previous night.

That's the reason why he texted her.

* * *

Beckett was at her desk. They had a suspect for the two murders, Esposito and Ryan were interrogating him.

Her phone went off, it was a text.

**Ready to share with me now? **It was Lanie.

**Ready to share what?**

**You know what don't play dumb!**

**Not now Lanie, maybe later. **

She put her phone down, trying to concentrate on her paperwork when her phone went off again. She thought it was Lanie but it was completely another person.

**Hey. Doing some writing right now but I can show up later with lunch. Sounds good? I hope you didn't solve the case without me by the way.**

She couldn't help smiling. She felt like a teenager on her first date besides the fact that she was an adult and that she knew Castle for four years.

Actually it was kind of weird. When she first met him it was at a book signing. She had fantasized about him (because who doesn't fantasize about her favorite author?). Then she had to work with him.

She became his muse.

The author fell for his muse.

The muse fell for the author.

He fell for a fan.

She fell for her favorite author.

What are the odds?

She tapped a quick answer.

**Sounds great to me. We have a suspect, he's with Espo and Ryan right now. Maybe a confession, who knows.**

Again she put her phone down at the same moment that Esposito and Ryan emerged.

"Is he our guy?" She asked.

"Nope, we verified his alibi. He was with his lawyer for his divorce at the time of death" Espo said while Ryan went to back to his desk.

"Okay, we'll keep digging"

Espo went back to his desk too.

"Do you think the fight between mom and dad is over?" Ryan spoke, some concern in his voice.

"I don't know. Castle isn't here but Beckett doesn't seem upset. Hard to tell"

The three of them continued to work when Ryan found something in the phone record of the victims.

"Beckett, I've got something. The two victims received several phone calls of the same number"

"Do you have a name?"

"Yeah: Christophe Dupré, he's French, and he's here for holidays"

"Okay I'm going to talk to him" Beckett stated.

In the mean time Castle was stepping out of the elevator with lunch.

"We'll know it soon enough" Ryan murmured to Esposito

"Hey what did I miss?" Castle asked seeing everybody on the alert

"Come on, I'll explain in the car" Kate replied.

* * *

**Here we go. **

**Sorry I didn't answer to the reviews but after all I didn't have much time, I took a stupid bet with a friend and now I have to watch the seven seasons of Dexter during the holidays.**

**Anyway I hope you liked it, let me know.**


	9. Author's note

**I know it's been a while. I'm sorry.**

**The truth is I didn't have much time to write lately and with my exams I won't have time until the summer.**

**Also this doesn't inspire me anymore and to be honest I think the story doesn't make any sense so I thought of stopping it.**

**I will continue to write one shots (when I have time) so if you have a scene in mind that you want to read, just PM here or DM me on Twitter( Her_Kitten)and I'll see what I can do. I don't promise anything though.**

**That's it. Have a good day and enjoy the hiatus. **


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